total slacker .com

Roommate relations reached an all-time low today when Paul Rubenfield, 22, forgot to put the trash out for the 4th garbage day in a row. The trash, which has been building up outside the apartment’s back door for the past two weeks, reached critical mass at about 3:12 PM on Saturday. Experts are predicting the crisis will have irreversible environmental effects on the household.

“There is milk in there that has been sitting around long enough to spawn life,” said concerned roommate Jerry Peters, 21. “And we’re not just talking about bacteria. We’re talking full-grown mutant beasts from hell.” Mutant beasts or not, the garbage has been home to many forms of life recently including rats, crows, and skunks.

Rubenfield, whose responsibility it is to take out the trash in the apartment, seems to be unconcerned. “Yeah, I know, Jerry washes the dishes, Steve vaccums, and I put out the garbage,” he said after being confronted by roommates yesterday. “But I’ve been real busy. Those guys gotta learn to chill the f*ck out.”

While the garbage cans have received few complaints from the homeless men living among them, there are concerns that the situation is out of control. “These garbage cans are literally at their breaking point,” noted refuse expert Dr. Winston Krendal stated in a report released yesterday. “One more empty pack of cigarettes or old issue of Maxim could turn this situation into a full blown disaster.”

When confronted with these facts Mr. Rubenfield was quick to reply, “Yo, chill the f*ck out.”