total slacker .com

Ever heard "There's nothing in the house?" This recipe can be done with the very basics any slacker (or his girlfriend) may have in the kitchen, and they will be talking about it for years to come.....

• Velveeta Cheese
• 1 Apple
• Bread
• Beer
• Mustard

1. Melt a quarter to a half a log of Velveeta in the microwave in a nice bowl, being careful not to overcook, just melt. This may mean you have to check it once or twice, sorry...

2. Then add a teaspoon or two of mustard..

3. Open a beer, pour some in the melted cheese, the rest is yours.

4. Put back in the microwave to melt more, stirring occasionally so the mustard, cheese, and beer are mixed well. (add beer if it's too thick, add Velveeta if it's too thin)

5. Next, chop up an apple into cubes (c'mon, didn't you learn anything playing with those hunting knives when you were thirteen?)

6. Then chop up whatever bread you have into cubes as well.

7. Go to the closet or bottom drawer of your kitchen where all those utensils your mother sent you when you moved are stored (hidden). Find the Fondue forks in there (it's inevitable, she never used them either... ) if not just use toothpicks (no toothpicks? Fine, forks then.. c'mon you slacker, extrapolate!).

8. Serve the melted cheese in your nice bowl surrounded by the bread and apple chunks.. perhaps all on a serving tray, or even a wood cutting board would be nice.. Watch your girlfriend and her sister faint to the floor at what you've created out of nothing. Can be served with beer; if you've got wine around (from back when you were still dating), serve that instead - maybe then they'll be so impressed you'll get lucky with the both of them. Doesn't matter either way though, because they'll be so bowled over that they won't notice you channel surfing the rest of the night...