total slacker .com

Jeff Salerno, a low-level data entry clerk at International Paridigm Management in New York, took a three hour lunch break on Friday. The lunch break was the longest in IPM’s history, breaking the previous record of two hours and fifteen minutes, held by secretary Theresa Gibbons.

According to IPM supervisor Bruce Williams, Salerno is a lazy and incompetent employee who takes any opportunity to “slack off” at work “If he’s not staring blankly at his computer screen, he’s drinking his eleventh cup of coffee in the employee lounge,” he said, filling out a disciplinary form to send to the office manager. “He’s what we like to call a ‘productivity problem’.”

The lunch break, which lasted from noon to three PM on Friday, was incredibly eventful for Salerno. While wondering the streets of New York City he had a cappucino, purchased a new shirt, ate a banana, browsed the racks of a local Software Etc., and checked out NYU girls at Washington Square Park. “It was a perfect day, so I figured ‘why not’?” said Salerno while playing a game of ‘Minesweeper’. “Plus it was hot out, so all the chicks were wearing next to nothing. Yowza.”

Salerno celebrated his monumental lunch break by spending the remaining two hours of his workday surfing pornographic websites in his cubicle.